


remind me of the demons that i've been running from

by neoncrayolas



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Attempted Sexual Assault, F/F, F/M, Homophobic Language, Hurt/Comfort, I love Buck I promise I do, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, M/M, Panic Attacks, Pretty severe anxiety, Protective Eddie Diaz, but don't worry his time will come, change my mind, firefam - Freeform, oh yeah and Eddie has S2 hair because floofy hair in the best hair, unresolved Eddie Diaz stuff bc this fic isn't about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-20 16:29:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21284714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/neoncrayolas/pseuds/neoncrayolas
Summary: In which a night out takes a turn for the worst, and absolutely everything comes spilling out of Buck at once.
Relationships: Athena Grant/Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Maddie Buckley, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Henrietta "Hen" Wilson/Karen Wilson, Maddie Buckley/Howie "Chimney" Han
Comments: 23
Kudos: 581





	remind me of the demons that i've been running from

**Author's Note:**

> First and foremost, there is attempted sexual assault in this fic, pretty severe anxiety attacks, and implied child abuse, so please, PLEASE stay safe when reading. 
> 
> This thing turned into a monster, lol, I didn't think it would be this long. 
> 
> Everything else is at the end!

Buck was happy for Hen and Karen, really, he was. He knew they’d been trying to get pregnant for a while, and when Hen came to them with the news earlier that it had finally happened, they all extended their warmest congratulations. Then it was actually Bobby who had suggested they should go out and celebrate at a bar near the station – never mind that he was a recovering alcoholic and that Karen couldn’t drink now. Everyone agreed anyway, saying it’d be a fun way to blow off some steam after their shift.

Somehow though, Buck had found himself sitting at the bar the whole night, nursing a glass of water. Buck had never really been one for drinking, never liked what it did to people and who it turned them into. He’d have a beer every now and then but wasn’t in the mood tonight. To be quite honest with himself, he hadn’t felt much like coming at all, but he’d told himself that that was stupid – he finally had what he wanted back, his _family_, who he’d mostly been forgiven by, and he wasn’t going to pass up the chance to hang out with them outside of work. It’d been far too long.

But for the past few weeks, in the time since him and Eddie had started to rebuild their friendship, albeit fragilely, and him and Bobby had slowly started talking more – talking helped, instead of being angry and passive with each other – something had still been nagging at Buck.

He just – he felt like an absolute _dick _for doing what he did to his team, and part of him wondered if he’d ever be able to forgive himself as easily as everyone else had seemed to forgive him. He loved that he had his family back but couldn’t believe he’d ever done something like that to risk losing them in the first place.

“Penny for your thoughts?” A voice broke him out of his head, and he startled, turning to see Maddie slide onto a stool next to him.

Buck gave her a wane smile, taking a sip of his water. “Nothing, Maddie, not really.”

Maddie rolled her eyes and signaled the bar tender to get her another glass of wine.

“You know, besides not being stupid, I _also _have big sister telepathy? I can tell something’s on your mind, Buck.”

Buck sighed, and looked out at the bar floor, where Athena and Bobby were getting teased about when it was their turn next, at Hen and Karen absolutely _glowing_, at Eddie laughing at something Chim said.

He looked back to Maddie, who was smiling sadly at him, almost as if she knew what was going through his head. “Do you think they’ve actually forgiven me, Maddie? I know they all said it was fine, just don’t do anything stupid like that again…but I just can’t help but feel like things won’t be the same. Like, I tried, and tried, and I got what I was looking for but – in the end, what if it was all for nothing, because what if it cost me what I wanted back in the first place?”

Maddie looked thoughtful for a second before responding. “If we’re being honest, Buck, no, I don’t think things will be the same.”

She paused, and Buck felt his heart drop. He had known the answer to the question but hearing it from someone else just drove it in a little deeper.

“_But_,” Maddie continued, reaching out to put her hand on Buck’s, “I also think you to need to start working on forgiving yourself. It’ll go a long way in fixing everything. I know that you have the most insane talent for blaming yourself for things, and you need to learn how to forgive yourself, Buck. It’s not fair to you.”

Buck let his head drop onto the bar, landing with a thud. He felt Maddie’s hand on his back, rubbing soothingly. He wanted to tell her that all he felt all day long, every single day, was some sort of crushing guilt about _everything_, about losing Christopher in the tsunami, about putting the team through the lawsuit, about not doing enough for Maddie or himself when they were younger – hell, he half-blamed himself for the damn fire truck crushing him. That some days the guilt and anguish was just _so much_, and he had no idea how to keep his head above the water.

He was about to pick his head up to spill all of it to her, to finally get it off his chest, when he heard Chim call her name. She lifted her hand hesitantly from his back, and he lifted his head to peer at her.

“’S okay, go,” he said, standing up, still trying to quell down everything he was going to say. “I gotta go to the bathroom anyway.”

Maddie stood up and hugged him. “Things will start to look up, Buck. They love you, and so do I. You know that.”

He hugged her back, holding on for a moment longer than necessary, almost embarrassed by the tears stinging his eyes.

“Thanks, Maddie,” he mumbled into her shoulder.

He straightened up as Maddie went to see what Chim wanted and downed the rest of his water.

Without a backward glance at the team, he left the bar and went to the hallway leading to the bathroom. The noise of the bar lessened considerably, and Buck let out a sigh of relief. He was so concentrated on stifling his oncoming anxiety attack (he’d been getting those more and more, mostly when he was alone at night, though he’d gotten one once on a call, and had to hide in an alleyway until it had passed – it had been the furthest thing from fun) that he hadn’t noticed the man follow him into the hallway until he felt a hand land on his shoulder. Nearly jumping out of his skin and whirling around, Buck expected to see someone from the team, or Maddie, and his eyebrows knit together when he came face-to-face with a man he’d never seen before. He was taller than him, older, with thick arms and dark eyes.

“Been watching you at the bar, that girl you with your girlfriend?” He asked, his hand still on Buck’s shoulder.

Buck ducked out from under it, the waves that had started rising in him earlier climbing higher and higher. “Uh, no. My sister.”

The man grinned. “Better news for me.”

“Look, man, I’m really not in the mood right now,” Buck sighed heavily, trying to force the waves down, but it was making him nauseous now. He was afraid his head was going to start spinning. He made to go around the man.

Bad idea.

As soon as he stepped around him, the man backed Buck into the corner of the hallway, hands on either side of his head.

“Come on, pretty boy,” the man said, his hot breath hitting Buck’s face as he leaned closer. “You were already headed to the bathroom, we can go together, make it a quickie.”

Buck tries to shove the man away from him, actually feeling the bile rising in his throat now, because _seriously_, this was happening right now, on top of everything else, but the man’s hands were locked on the wall behind Buck, unwavering.

“Man, this isn’t funny, just let me get to the bathroom –”

He shoved at the man again, trying to get him to move away from him, because being backed into a corner with no escape was only serving to bring up bad, _bad _memories that Buck had gotten so good at locking down in a box, but this time, the man shoved him back, slamming Buck into the wall and knocking the wind out of him. He got even closer, pressing his whole body up against him.

“Don’t be like that, pretty boy, let me see what you’d look like on your knees, with your lips wrapped around my –”

Buck had screwed his eyes shut when the man had slammed into the wall, waiting for the blows to keep coming – the waves had finally spilled over, he wanted to crawl out of his _skin_, his hands were moving helplessly, and he tried to sink to the floor, like he did when he was younger because he wasn’t 27 anymore, he was 14, and it wasn’t a strange man blocking him into a corner, it was his father, coming home drunk and angry and Buck couldn’t _breathe, _the man’s hands were on his shoulder’s now, getting closer, and Buck couldn’t move –

And then suddenly, the man’s weight was pulled away from him.

~

“Does anyone know where Buck went?” Eddie asked, glancing at the bar where Buck had been siting for the tenth time in three minutes. “Did he leave?”

Eddie couldn’t help but feel like even though they’d all forgiven their youngest team member, something was still off with Buck. Hell, something was off with _himself_, and he knew that it had to do with the younger man. He’d been keeping an eye on Buck all night, wanting nothing more than to drag him over to the rest of the team, to include him, but something kept stopping him – and he hadn’t been so sure that Buck would be welcoming of his attention.

“He said something about the bathroom,” Maddie said, turning around and frowning. “But that was fifteen minutes ago, so I’m not sure.”

Setting down his beer without another word, Eddie went to go find his friend. This was all so stupid, he’d forgiven Buck, and he _needed _him to know that – that as sorry as Buck was, Eddie was too.

Making his way down the hallway where he’d seen the restroom sign, he caught sight of two people in the corner down the hallway. He was going to walk past them, ignore them, thinking it was just some drunk couple making out, but as he walked by, he heard what the guy was saying, made out something that sounded like “– what you look like on your knees –” and he heard a muffled whimper that he knows he’s heard before.

Eddie saw _red_.

The anger that he’d been so carefully keeping simmering below the surface, saving for his next street fight, came bubbling over. He put both hands on the man’s shoulders, yanking him away from the corner and throwing him against the opposite wall.

Sure enough, Buck had been the person trapped beneath the man. He was standing stock still, eyes wide, chest moving up and down rapidly.

Eddie was going to go to him, to make sure he was okay, but then he felt the man barrel into his back, knocking him forward, and oh, Eddie was _done_. Whirling around, he slammed the guy into the ground. Momentarily forgetting about Buck, Eddie let his rage consume him. He held a knee to the guy’s back, twisting his arm behind him. The man tried to kick him off, but Eddie held firm.

“¿Estás bromeando ahora mismo, hijo de puta? ¿Crees que puedes salirte con la suya haciendo eso a cualquiera, y mucho menos a alguien que me importa? Cuando termine contigo –”

“Eddie, what the hell?”

Eddie looked up at the interruption to see Maddie standing a few feet away, her eyes darting between him and Buck, who, when Eddie glanced back, was standing in the exact same position, except he’d moved his arms to fold over his stomach, and he seemed to be breathing even harsher, if that was possible.

“Ir a buscar – go get Athena,” Eddie said through gritted teeth, having to concentrate on holding onto to his anger for the moment, and making sure he was speaking in English.

“Eddie, wait, what’s –”

“Go. Get. Athena. Please,” he said again, more firmly. He didn’t want to scare her, but someone needed to come get this fucker before Eddie killed him.

With one last look at Buck, Maddie turned to run back into the bar.

The man underneath Eddie was struggling even harder.

“Stupid faggot, get off of me – me and your boyfriend were having enough fun before you showed up –” 

Eddie twisted a hand in the man’s hair, lifting his head up and slamming it back down into the ground. He leaned down close to the man’s ear as he slammed his head down a second time.

“Cállate la boca antes de que haga de tu cara una parte permanente de este piso. Tienes suerte de que tenga un hijo para llegar a casa o yo –”

Eddie felt hands go around both of his arms, as Hen and Bobby hauled him off the man.

“_What _the hell is going on?” Athena’s stern voice sounded.

Eddie shook his head and pried himself loose from Hen and Bobby’s grip, though Bobby kept a hand on his shoulder. Eddie explained with a quiet, white-hot fury what he’d stumbled upon, and Athena’s gaze hardened. She hauled the man to his feet, quickly escorting him towards a back exit of the bar. Out of the corner of his eye, Eddie saw Maddie talking quietly to Buck, who had only refocused his gaze to look at her.

“Eddie, are you okay?” Bobby asked quietly, his hand still on Eddie’s shoulder.

“I’m fine, Cap,” Eddie replied shortly. What he needed to do was go to Buck, but the way Maddie was still speaking softly to him, the way Buck’s eyes were darting around, peering suspiciously at everyone – the way he looked so fucking _small_, god he really had lost a lot of weight recently – told him he should stay back right now. Luckily, everyone else got the same idea. At that moment, Bobby’s phone rang and with a glance towards Buck, he made his way to the exit to answer it.

Chim and Karen were hovering by the entrance to the hallway, having witnessed everything, and when Bobby stepped out, Karen stepped forward, rushing to Hen to make sure she was okay. Chim made his way to Eddie.

“Do I need to check you over?” Chim asked quietly, and Eddie could see his eyes scanning his body up and down anyway.

Eddie shook his head. “No, but if Buck will let you, you need to look at him. I don’t know what happened before I got here.”

“Nothing happened.”

Eddie’s head snapped in the direction of Buck and Maddie to see the blond firefighter looking to Eddie now. His voice had been quiet, but steady.

“Buck.” The relief in his voice was evident and he took a step toward the man. He stopped when Buck held up a hand.

“I need to go outside. I can’t be in here right now.”

Maddie and Eddie nodded in unison, and with Maddie holding onto Buck’s arm, they all made their way out the back exit.

It was a cool night for LA, and Eddie welcomed the air on his face as he stepped outside. He took a couple of deep breaths, trying to force the sound of Buck’s whimper from underneath that man from his head, the sight of his wide eyes when Eddie had pried the man away from him.

He knew they were things he wouldn’t be forgetting anytime soon.

~

“– apparently there was a multi-car pileup on the highway, there’s a fire in a skyscraper downtown, there was an explosion at a factory, and one of the hospitals experienced a flood, on top of the normal calls, so everything’s pretty swamped.”

Buck heard Bobby’s voice, realizing he was saying the team had been called in. Hen, Karen, and Chim were already on their way to their cars, throwing smiles in Buck’s direction, telling him they’d check on him later. Hen even laid her hand on Buck’s shoulder for a brief moment, and though Buck closed his eyes at the touch, he didn’t move away.

Maddie’s phone rang too. She answered, and after she groaned and threw a look in Buck’s direction, he understood that she was being called in too.

“They’re swamped with calls, and they’re short-handed –” Maddie started, covering the phone with her hand. “But I’m going to tell them I can’t –”

“No,” Buck said, waving his hand. “It’s fine. I’ll be fine. I just…I might go home for the night, if that’s okay, Cap?”

The absolute last thing Buck wanted to do was be by himself, but he couldn’t stomach the thought of going into work right now. He almost gave a grim laugh, because all he wanted for the longest time was to get back to work, and here he was, asking to stay back.

Now all he wanted to do was slink into bed, burrow deep into his covers, and forget the rest of the world existed.

Eddie stepped toward him.

“Buck, are you sure –”

“I’m fine,” Buck said a little more harshly, and he stood up from where he’d been sitting on the curb. Eddie didn’t miss the way he was unsteady on his feet. Maddie looked hesitant, but with the look Buck shot her, she got back on the phone and quickly told her job she’d be in as soon as she could.

“Buck, let me at least drive you home,” Maddie said, pulling her keys out of her purse.

“I’m _fine_,” Buck insisted, and Eddie was convinced he was anything but. The need to reach out and hold him was _strong_. “Besides, my Jeep’s here.”

Maddie bit her lip, but finally stepped toward her brother, giving him a hug. “I’ll call you in an hour, okay? To make sure you got home?”

Buck nodded, and once again, he held on a little longer than necessary – like the night she’d left him to go to college, he had to resist the urge to never let her go.

Then it was three of them standing in the parking lot. Bobby took a step toward Buck.

“Buck, it’s fine if you need to leave. We can cover for you. If you’re sure.”

Buck nodded tightly. He was anything but sure, but he was also calculating how fast he could get to his Jeep so he could just get out of here. Even outside, it felt like the walls were closing in on him.

Bobby looked utterly unconvinced and he stepped closer to Buck slowly. No one missed the way Buck closed his eyes and took the smallest step backward. Eddie felt his heart break a little more.

“Kid…” Bobby said softly.

Buck took a couple of deep breaths before opening his eyes.

It wasn’t his father standing before him. It was Bobby.

“I know, Bobby,” Buck whispered. “Thanks.”

Bobby raised an eyebrow. “We’re talking about this sooner rather than later.”

Buck nodded and finally, _finally _made to go to his Jeep. He could sense Eddie behind him, knew the other man wanted to reach out for him, say something, but Buck needed him to leave it alone right now. He was barely holding himself together, _barely _making it to his car on his own, every single step was an effort, and he knew that if Eddie said something than Buck would just completely break, he needed everyone to just leave him alone, he needed to get home and push every single memory that had resurfaced tonight into its box, adding what happened tonight to it, and try to lock it down tighter than it had been before – Buck couldn’t deal with it, had never really wanted to, besides, he was _fine_, now, he was, really – and _oh_, when had he ended up on the ground again –

Eddie and Bobby were to him in seconds. They’d watched Buck walk away, both unsure of letting him leave alone. It was confirmed when Buck wasn’t even halfway to his Jeep when he sank to the ground, burying his head in his hands.

Buck faintly heard someone saying his name, but the panic was too much, the waves were rising in him again, fogging his brain this time, he was being crushed, under the fire truck, under the weight of the water, under _everything_, he couldn’t concentrate on the voice saying his name, only faintly heard someone say “do not leave him alone,” heard the affirmation and then someone was hovering over him and Buck shot to his feet.

Eddie stood a few feet away from him, his hands up.

“Buck,” he said slowly. “I’m going to take you home, okay?”

“My – my Jeep,” Buck shook his head.

“It’ll be fine,” Eddie said firmly. “My truck is this way.”

He didn’t really give Buck much of an option, steering the younger man toward his truck without actually touching him.

Buck didn’t put up much of a fight: as much as he wanted to curl up in bed to forget the world, he really didn’t want to be alone.

The car ride was quiet. Buck leaned his head against the cool window of the truck, trying to calm his still racing heart, but nothing seemed to be working. He didn’t even realize Eddie wasn’t taking him to his apartment until they were in Eddie’s driveway.

“Chris is at his _abeula’s _for the night. Thought you might not want to be alone,” Eddie answered the unspoken question.

Buck opened his mouth, then closed it again. He followed Eddie to the front door and inside the house without a word.

As soon as they were inside, he fled to the bathroom, locking himself inside.

Eddie sighed. He wanted to give Buck space, but also didn’t want him to be alone. He went to sit outside the door, leaning back against it, letting his head rest against it with a sigh, closing his eyes.

How did everything get so fucked up? Buck was his best friend, the one person who’d been there for him and Christopher, and lately…everything was just so different. And Eddie _hated _it. He could kick himself for going to those stupid street fights, when all he really wanted to do was talk to Buck. Eddie had never been one for talking things through – he much preferred to beat the shit out of a punching bag than talk. But with Buck, it was different. He wanted to tell the younger man everything he was feeling, he wanted to make sure Buck was _okay_, because he knew Buck wasn’t, he wasn’t before tonight, and now he definitely wasn’t –

“I’m here, you know,” Eddie said quietly, the words coming out before he could stop them. “Buck, I’m here, whenever you’re ready to come out.”

The door swung open with such unexpected force that Eddie almost fell backwards into the bathroom, but he quickly scrambled to his feet, his hair falling into his face. Buck stood there, chest heaving again, knuckles white as he gripped the door.

“_Why_, Eddie?” He yelled, his voice shaking. “Why would you be here for me when all I do is keep abandoning you? Abandoning Christopher? Abandoning my _family_?”

“Buck…” Eddie whispered.

“I don’t deserve you to be here for me, Eddie!” Buck shouted. “I’m literally the reason everything happened, fuck, I couldn’t even make it through a team outing without fucking something up!”

“_Do not _blame yourself for that, Buck, _Jesus_,” Eddie said, willing his voice not to break.

“Why?” Buck said, his voice still raised. “I’m to blame for everything else! I couldn’t keep your kid safe during the damn tsunami, I couldn’t keep you guys safe from the lawsuit, I’m always running into situations without thinking and usually end up fucking up somehow, tonight I let my anxiety get the better of me and wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings, and I got pulled back into my _stupid _childhood where all I did was get backed into corners, and I froze tonight, and it got worse and –”

Buck was breathing hard again, still gripping the door. He cut himself off, and pushed past Eddie, needing to get out of that house. He couldn’t – he needed to – he just needed to _breathe _again, he needed to run and scream and maybe beat his head against something just to get it working right –

Eddie couldn’t help himself. He reached out to grab Buck’s wrist as the younger man passed him. He couldn’t let Buck leave, not in this state.

Buck turned around and slapped Eddie’s hand away with such force that Eddie took a step back. The look that passed over his face was enough to break Buck out of his haze.

“Buck –” Eddie began. He could not _stand _to see his best friend this way, and to know that he’d been feeling this way for who knows how long, had been suffering through this alone, drove a stake through Eddie’s heart.

His voice did break this time.

“_Dios mio, _Evan, please, talk to me.” 

Buck crumples. His face drops, his shoulders drop – everything in him just drains.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, Eddie,” he whispered, his voice catching on a sob. He didn’t meet Eddie’s gaze. “Everything’s just so – so _crushing_, all the time, and I feel like I can’t _breathe _anymore, and my head never turns off – it plays the worst moments of my life over and _over _again and I – I – Eddie, I’m so fucking _sorry_, I never meant to hurt you, or Christopher, I just wanted – I –”

Eddie could see Buck was quickly heading towards another breakdown, and he hesitantly took a step closer.

“Buck – can I –”

Eddie couldn’t make the words come out, so instead, he held his arms out, leaving the choice up to Buck.

He couldn’t stop the heavy sigh of relief that left him when Buck gave a small whimper and fell forward into them, burying his face into Eddie’s shirt.

The two men sank to the ground, Buck reaching to clutch Eddie like a lifeline, Eddie holding him just as tightly. Buck was sobbing as if everything in him were breaking, and he tried to get words out in between.

“Tonight – I didn’t even realize – it was like – 14 – and I couldn’t do anything – Eddie – I thought – I was _done_ – it was _over_ –”

Eddie brought his hand up to the back of Buck’s head, cradling it against him. He felt his temper rising again, at what Buck was going through now and what he went through when he was younger. He had to suppress it, because there’s a time and a place for it, and that’s not now.

“Evan, sh, _sh_,” Eddie whispered into Buck’s hair. Buck was still shaking with the force of his sobs.

“Evan, I’m not going anywhere, I’m _right here_, okay, and so are you – you are _safe_, Evan,” Eddie said, trying not to let his voice catch. “Whatever happened tonight, whatever happened in the past, we can talk about it, but right now, I need you to work on breathing, okay? I need you to breathe.”

He felt Buck try to take huge, gulping breaths into his shirt, and gently tried to lift the other man from him so he could breathe properly. Buck tightened his grip on Eddie.

“Evan, hey, you need to breathe, okay, and you can’t do that by sucking in my shirt, okay?”

Buck gave the tiniest of nods and let Eddie maneuver him so he was practically sitting on the other man’s lap, his head resting on Eddie’s shoulder. He managed to slow his breathing down, but his hand was still fisted in Eddie’s shirt, tightening every now and then, and he still had tears streaming down his face.

“You’re safe, Evan, and you’re here, with me, and I’m not going anywhere,” Eddie whispered over and over.

Buck didn’t say anything for a long time. He was slowly coming back down, his thoughts were organizing themselves again and – the memories, they weren’t pushing themselves back into the boxes, they were still there, at the forefront of his mind, but they didn’t seem as dark and unforgiving as they had earlier.

Maybe, when the time was right, Buck would be ready to talk about them – and he knew Eddie would be there to listen.

~

The two sat together on the floor long after midnight. Eddie was sure Buck had fallen asleep at some point, and Eddie could feel that his limbs were asleep, but he wouldn’t trade stroking Buck’s hair or murmuring in his ear or feeling the younger man finally breathing easy against him for anything. He could feel his phone vibrating in his pocket, no doubt with messages from the team, wondering how Buck was doing, but Eddie didn’t check. There’d be time for that later.

He only realized he would need to get up when the morning light started to shine through the windows, slowly lighting up the house around them. He had to go pick up Christopher soon.

Biting his lip, he shifted slightly as to not startle Buck.

“Hey, Buck,” Eddie said softly.

“Yeah?”

Buck’s voice was rough, but not shaking anymore. Eddie leaned his face into Buck’s hair for a brief moment, closing his eyes.

“I have to go pick up Christopher, do you – you can obviously wait here,” Eddie started, “and I’ll be back in twenty minutes –”

Buck turned his head, looking at Eddie for the first time all night.

“Can I –” Buck cut himself off, seemingly unsure of what he wanted to ask. He wasn’t sure he wanted to hear the answer.

“What, Buck?” Eddie asked gently.

“Can I come with you?” Buck whispered. “Only if – if you want me to, I just, I haven’t seen Chris yet, and I’d love to – but – I understand if you’re not ready for that –”

“_Evan_,” Eddie said hoarsely, crushing the other man in a hug once again. “You _never_ have to ask me for permission to see Chris. You are always welcome to, _always_.”

He felt Buck let out a big breath, and realized he’d been holding his breath, obviously prepared for the worst answer. Eddie inwardly cursed himself.

The two slowly stood up, stretching and getting feeling back in their legs, though Buck was reluctant to let go of Eddie.

Eddie pulled his phone out of his pocket, scrolling through it for a minute, before typing something.

“Just letting Cap and Maddie know that you’re okay,” Eddie said at Buck’s glance.

Buck rubbed the back of his neck. “Guess I’ve got some explaining to do.”

“Buck…” Eddie started, reaching slowly for the other man, relieved once again when Buck let him take his arm gently. “No one blames you for last night, and no one blames you for whatever has happened in the past. _I _don’t blame you for the tsunami, and neither does Christopher, okay? I never want you thinking any of that.”

“I’d like to talk, later,” Buck said honestly, “if you want.”

“Always, Evan,” Eddie responded, squeezing his arm. “I meant what I said last night – I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere. I’ll always be here.”

“Me too,” Buck replied hoarsely, ducking his head before looking at Eddie from under his eyelashes. “I don’t plan on going anywhere – I’m here, for as long as you’ll have me.”

The smile Eddie threw in his direction was enough to make Buck feel like he was on top of the world, and, still holding onto each other – Eddie’s hand had made its way down to Buck’s – they walked out to the truck, welcoming the fresh air after a long night. Nothing was said as they climbed in, and Eddie started to drive.

Buck knew they would be okay.

With Eddie’s hand still wrapped around Buck’s, and the truck driving toward daybreak, Buck couldn’t help the small smile that crossed his face.

Maddie might’ve been right the night before – things might not be the same as they were before, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t be better.

**Author's Note:**

> Guys, I have my own book to be writing for NaNo, but Buck and Eddie won't leave me alone - I literally have like 5 other works started in the notes on my phone. 
> 
> Title is taken from "Hurricane" by I Prevail. If anyone's interested, it is a *very* good Buck song.
> 
> Translations:   
“¿Estás bromeando ahora mismo, hijo de puta? ¿Crees que puedes salirte con la suya haciendo eso a cualquiera, y mucho menos a alguien que me importa? Cuando termine contigo –” = "Are you fucking kidding me right now, motherfucker? You think you can get away with doing that to anyone, let alone someone I care about? When I'm finished with you -" 
> 
> "Ir a buscar - " = "Go get - " 
> 
> “Cállate la boca antes de que haga de tu cara una parte permanente de este piso. Tienes suerte de que tenga un hijo para llegar a casa o yo –” = "Shut the fuck up before I make your face a permanent part of this floor. You're lucky I have a kid to get home to or I'd -"
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
